Today my mom cried because she was happy to be spending time with me. I got caught up with so many feelings and thoughts… Sometimes, I feel there’s too much love, too many feelings and emotions that we as humans invest in each other; its kinda humbling and beautiful to think that our existences can be measured or determined by the amount of love we give, whether it is returned or not. I hope one day to love my children as intensely and imperfectly as my mother loved me. I hope I can love myself, love others, even if that love will not be reciprocated in ways I want to, even if I am not to find a soulmate or someone to share my life with, I will die happily, knowing I can love, that I was loved (by family, friends, strangers). I was given the amazing capability to feel, to reason and observe and I chose to do so. Our lives can have as much meaning as we want them to. It’s not selfish to live for one self, as long as you remember that you are here to produce good, love and happiness to others in your small corner of the universe.
I want to die right now. Maybe for a little while. I’m so tired and stressed.
Nothing that I can’t solve. I just have a lot of things on my plate right now.
Work, car problems, family problems, school, regrets and people and stuff that put a lot of pressure on me.
I just need a nap and a hug. :(